Friday, September 28, 2007

...and then

....then you have some steak and the last post seems silly.

Oh feelings, you beast of burden.



I'm feeling a little low tonight.

Sometimes you think that you want to get to know people, and then you realize that maybe it's not that important.

Maybe I'll have to commit blogger-icide. I nixed my facebook account because it was boring, and I'm thinking that I should nix this thing because I'm expressing too many feelings.....and feelings just get annoying after awhile.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007


tonight I:

1. saw the smashing pumkins.....I can't even begin to explain all of the levels that is wrong on.

2. I commited facebook-icide. I am free!!!!

3. Wrote to a really old friend that I've recently re-connected with about the show as it was fitting and timely. We are old enough to have been friends BEFORE the internet was invented.

More later on all of the above.......riveting I know!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

RIP Trifective

One more thought before bed.

I enjoyed reading trifective for over a year now and was sad when the author felt it time to call it quits. Elaine Corden wrote Band Geek in the Westender, the only piece of writing I found in Vancouver (when I first moved here) worth getting my fingers all ink stained for. The first time I read one of her articles I laughed out loud and felt like I had made a friend in a city where friendships are not easily made.

It was such a pleasant surprise that we ended up living as neighbours in the Crosby building two years ago. We did indeed have much in common, important things like a soft spot for the stone roses, grilled cheese sandwiches, and genmaicha tea.

I just want to say thank you Elaine! Thank you for writing things that most people don't have the courage to express, and for doing it in a really funny way. Thank you for keeping East Van honest!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

my dreams this week

1) I was going to a dinner party where I knew the host was serving burgers made out of his ex wife. I was an investigator and I was trying to get a burger back to the crime lab for testing.

There were all of these people at the dinner party eating hamburgers all over this giant, old house and none of them knew they were eating the hosts ex wife except for me. I tried to use the washroom to hide in, but the door wouldn't shut.

2) I can't remember number 2 anymore, but trust me it was weird! Like last month when I had a dream where I had to go to Dracula's castle to get my Drykorn pants. Dracula was this guy Stuart that works for the Canadian distributor for Drykorn. I was sneaking around the castle in an attempt to try to retrieve my pants wearing one of those god awful denim skirts that are made out of old jeans. I woke up before finding my pants.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I impart wisdom unto you

1. mean is funny
2. stupid is also funny

So far I got the stupid funny down like a second language. I'm still working on mean and I'm confident that with enough determination I will get there.

hugs and kittens

Thursday, September 13, 2007

things to do before I die

Have a baguette in Paris.I'll probably also have a cordon bleu and an espresso while I'm there. Oh, and check out the Louvre.

have a clam bake, but only people I like can come.

Perform a comedy routine on stage for a room full of strangers that I'll never have to see again.

Have sushi in Japan.....perhaps not made by a cat...but it's pretty cute...look, it's annoyed!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Bolsheviks for Elaine

As per Elaine Corden's request here are a couple of Bolshevicks.

Here's on I'm not entirely sure about...are they saying that the Bolsheviks got away with disposing of the Romanovs by using Scot Tissue Towels?

I'm not saying that Lenin looks like a giant phallus and that the world atlas behind him looks like a pair of balls........well actually that's exactly what I'm saying.

Anyone out ther read cyrillic? I think it says "workers of the world unite and bring me some caviar".

Saturday, September 08, 2007

my first joke....sans le punch line

What do Chernobyl forests........

......the Berlin Tiergarten......

....And Brazil have in common other than communist and fascist regimes or harboring fascists?


I think if aliens ever come to earth we should make them hamburgers as a show of peace.

I had a hamburger at Cascade tonight and it was sooooo goooood. I'd even say it was the best hamburger I've had in Vancouver.

Also, if you ever run out of toothpaste and need to go to the shoppers in Hell's gate Mall don't do it on a friday night. It's a bit freaky, you don't need to brush your teeth bad enough, believe me.


Thursday, September 06, 2007

personality shortage

Do you ever meet people that just rub you the wrong way? I find that I have an aversion to people with anemic personalities.

Vanilla greyhounds, morphing mice, drifting grey clouds and Eeyore desciples. Where do they come from? Are they partial souls? Are there not enough souls in the world for everyone to get a whole one? Or maybe there aren't enough personalities to go around so some people have to share?

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

to be funny

1. learn to be funny
2. learn to stuff emotions deep inside only to be accessed during times of self deprecating humor.
3. eliminate fear

I believe that is all I will need to become a stand up comedian. It would be easier if there was a funny school I could attend.

P.S I promise never to even joke about doing improve.